sometimes

I feel like I put way too much into situations, only to receive the result of being slapped in the face. 

Its so disappointing really and it makes me remember why I had so spent so much of my life trying to make sure that I wasn't affected by others.

I pride myself in doing my best to make sure everyone else is happy, while I am as well. Maybe others don't have similar motives.

you always come back

and it drives me insane. i really wish you could leave me alone, that you could leave what use to be us alone. its been so long, but for whatever reasons you can't forget and i don't understand. its been years, almost 5. 

i don't care what you say, i know i'm not the root of all your aggression, all your problems you have today. you blame me, you'll admit you do, but you need to take the time to realize it wasn't me. all i can reason is that for whatever reason you associate me with happiness and me leaving was taking away what little happiness you had. 

but give it up, its been so long. i don't need you reminding me that you think i'm a whore every six months. quite frankly, you don't know anything about me anymore. we have no mutual friends. i have yet to see your justification behind this statement. you knew me when i was 17 .. i'm almost 22 now and much different. wake up and realize this.

you're the crazy idiotic one.. not me. face it.

new beginnings

I'm getting older and instead of reliving the past through xanga, we're inventing something new. If all goes as planned, this will be amazing, but then again I question whether or not I can recreate the devotion I had towards my old vice.

I've become busier and tend to have less time to sit and write. Maybe when you get older, you just have less feeling. I'm beginning to wonder if that's true. Or, I can simply face the facts and realize that attending a college in the middle of missouri has decreased my level of intelligence gradually, with the aid of lots and lots of shitty vodka and an occasional Bud Light.

Time will tell.